Archives for posts with tag: awareness

“What do you really want?
Did you know that every single one of your desires is an expression of your soul’s longing to experience human life as you?
It’s true.
These pure impulses get filtered through our conditioning and show up distorted at times, but follow them back to their source and nothing you desire is anything but good and possible.”

“Your enormous soul had so many choices of who it could show up as.
It chose you.”

“Hello,” Life says, “Remember me?
We started out together here
When you were just a bundle
Of innocent amazement.
Remember how you saw the world
With nothing but wonder?
We were such rowdy playmates then.
We painted on the sky with clouds
And made magic out of
Clothespins and peanut butter.
Remember, can you, how I became stained and heavy
With trouble?
Not safe now. Lots of no.
They dressed me in painful clothes
And made you wear them, too.
You don’t recognize me, do you
But I’ve never abandoned you
Or lost my wild, happy desire
To show you
Play with you
Kiss you
Hide and seek down twisty paths
And always discover more.
Want to run away with me again?
Shall we elope without ever leaving
Because that’s possible, you know.
I’ve never been anywhere but here
Waiting for you
To remember.”

―Jacob Norby

We are raised to feel embarrassed for asking for too much, wanting more, apologizing for thinking too large–especially women. We make our wishes and our dreams smaller so we don’t make others uncomfortable.

I wasn’t raised to dream big. It was immediately pushed away as being frivolous and impossible. I spent my whole life, so far, fitting in just enough so I didn’t stand out. I spent it holding most of my dreams inside so as to not appear foolish. For making others uncomfortable.

How true is that statement: “Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle,” for they have dulled their own in fear of shining. It happens far too often and so many of us are squishing our dreams inside the deepest part of ourselves, unreleased and slowly losing shine.

Never feel ashamed for wanting, for dreaming beyond imagination. Remember, imagination is more important than observation. This is not just an open letter to you, as much as it is for me. Feel proud when you tell others what you desire. Because those who do sparkle will be attracted to yours.

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Originally posted on OChristine blog.

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Four years ago, I left my life in Los Angeles and bought a one-way ticket to South America. I knew no spanish, didn’t know a soul there and had never even heard of a hostel. In five months, I volunteered in the jungle, slept in $5 a night rooms, did ayahuasca, tried guinea pig and alpaca, hiked under the stars, hitchhiked, slept on a wooden bamboo “bed,” taught a class of Peruvian children for one month, had more hangovers than I can count, got lost, kept exploring, and met so many amazing people that I still call my great friends today.

Then I came back. The universe brought me back so I could discover the loves of my life–my supportive partner, my dog and my art.

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Everyday I continue to nurture these loves, these passions. They give me inspiration, happiness and roots that ground me. They give me a place to call home.

 
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Still, my heart is a traveler’s heart. There is nothing comparable to the uncertainty, rush and curiosity of exploring a new city and a new culture! There are so many secrets waiting to be unveiled, so many paths waiting to be taken, so many treasures the universe offers to us.

 
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I don’t think that ever goes away. But now I have both. My loves and my freedom. My yin and my yang.

I’ve found my balance.

 
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More about Nikki Star: I am a writer, traveler, artist and believer of creating a beautiful life. I believe we all know more than we think we are capable of. We can be and create eternal beauty if we only allow ourselves to. You can join me on my journey at www.strippedcanvas.com. Also, find me on instagram @strippedcanvas.

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Last weekend, my friend and I attended a life changing Abraham Hicks workshop. We had been anxiously waiting for the event, getting more excited with each passing week. And finally the day came! We LOVED it.

I love Abraham. They say what I’ve been feeling for years. Happiness is our natural born right. We are here to thrive and to get everything we desire. Sometimes we pick up old beliefs along the way that don’t serve us–I realize that those are not our true selves or from love. I don’t believe when people say “no one’s really 100% happy in their relationship” or “it sucks getting older.” Those are not my beliefs. SPARKLE!

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Twirling, tumbling and flying, around and around, full and empty at the same time. Lately, this is my mind. I don’t know when a thought begins or when one ends. I grasp at emptiness. Sometimes it feels like paralysis.

We fill our cup, empty it, fill it back up. This over and over for eternity. I don’t want the cup anymore.

Today as I’m hunched over my table cutting, pasting and working on projects, I get a text from my partner who is lying just outside on the patio in the warming sun.

It was just what I needed to hear. Sometimes it’s much needed, no matter how many times it’s been said or known. It is needed.

I feel peaceful today. Just being. Breathing. And knowing I’m near you. Sometimes doing nothing- or not knowing what to do- is the greatest gift. There are no starts, no finishes, no prescribed paths. So enjoy that you are simply alive, with nothing to prove and, for today at least, nowhere to go. Love you- after all, that’s really what it’s all about!

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Has anyone tried the Float Tank yet? We tried it for the first time this past weekend. Below are our written experiences. :)

HERS:

I open the door to the vault and climb in. It is pure black darkness and as I lay down, my body immediately floats, half underwater and half out of water. The water and air is at 93.5 degrees which means you don’t feel the water, where it ends or where it begins.

I feel completely wet and my scalp starts to burn. My head feels like it weighs a hundred pounds attached to a rubbery wire that is my neck. The rest of my body feels weightless as I put my arms behind my head and cradle it in my hands, lest it fall and float off.

My body occasionally floats to and fro, fingertips touching the wall or my toes bumping into the other wall. I feel the same sensations as floating in the salt waters of the Caribbean without the warming of the sun, the cooling touch of the waves and without a tropical drink in my hand. So yeah, not the same at all.

There were several moments of complete nothingness, feeling like I was floating in space, not feeling my body anymore, becoming one with the burning of my scalp. Was it the most relaxing thing I’ve ever experienced? I’m not sure. After the feeling of eternity, I attempted to float onto my side and curl up in a comfortable fetal position. I bounced right back like a buoy. Ok, I’m going to sit and meditate then, I thought. I’m estimating that the last 30 minutes (oh did I mention the session was 90 minutes?) was spent sitting, focusing on my breathing, tasting salt in my mouth and feeling nauseous.

When that music started indicating 90 minutes was up I hopped up out of there and felt a rush of relief. Later, I explained to the store owner my symptoms of nausea and dizziness. He says there are 1% of those who get seasick. That was me.

Conclusion: if you get sea sick, take ginger pills. Wear shower cap.

HIS:

Meditated for the first time with a group in East Hollywood. Followed my breaths…and tried to tune out the lady who led the group. She talked a lot and asked us to think about things like people we didn’t like, which felt counter-productive to meditation…but what do I know? My left knee is inflamed and I have a broken right foot so couldn’t assume any guru-like positions on the floor. But, even sitting on a metal folding chair, I felt more aware of my inhalations and exhales which in turn made everything inside me go silent. I’d be interested in coming up with a mantra and think I’ll do so. Transcendental meditation says they’ll give me one for $1,000 so I’ll think I’ll find one on my own.

A few hours later, at the unlikely hour of 10pm in a barren section on the Westside, we went to a floatation clinic for the first time. After struggling with trying to get my ear plugs securely in place, I closed the door to my floatation crypt and immersed my naked self in shallow epsom salt water. I floated on my back for 90 minutes, locked away in my little floating cell, in total blackness (although I do admit that I kept the crypt door ever so slightly ajar for the first 10 minutes). Some say this form of sensory deprivation can result in spiritual enlightenment, revelations and the feeling of being in outer space. I felt like I was in a floatation clinic, being kept afloat by epsom salt, which I tried to prevent from seeping into my brain. 

Although I didn’t experience an opening of my Third Eye nor any awakening of the spiritual kind (and I certainly didn’t experience any creative lightning bolts), I did feel relaxed, somewhat untroubled and soggy. And I did sleep for 10 hours once we got back to our little hotel room. 

Floating is a good thing for stress. And it helped soothe (temporarily) my broken foot. I can see where it could also be a good place to reach a deeper meditative plane. 

(At least I didn’t get nauseous like Nikki. She got seasick floating on her back. I felt really bad for her.)

During eons of evolution, from the simplest of living forms to the most complex, there has always been the day to day struggle to protect oneself. In our highly evolved cooperative social structures, this survival instinct has gone through evolutionary changes. Many of us no longer lack food, water, clothing or shelter; nor do we regularly face life threatening danger. As a result, the protective energies have adapted toward defending the individual psychologically, rather than physiologically. We now experience the daily need to defend our self concepts rather than our bodies. Our major fears end up being with our own inner fears, insecurities, and destructive behavior patterns and not with outside forces.

–from the book “The Untethered Soul”

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Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people. -Carl Jung

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Currently reading: The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer.

 

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